Shitty Stories about pooper aja poooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
Melted candy bar or poop?
Thursday, 9 July 2015
I went to a crappy party this weekend and the host had a game where she melted candy bars and made people guess what kind they were. Drop a comment with your guess.
Originally posted 2007-12-02 10:20:00.
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“Pee Pee on the Potty”
Wednesday, 8 July 2015
When I was in college I wanted to hook up with this gymnast chick. It took me a good 4 months but one night it eventually happened. My house at college had a fire escape that led right into my room. After a long night of drinking, I was passing out in my bed when all of a sudden I heard this loud thumping outside my window. As I looked out I saw this little blonde crawling up the escape. I opened the window and she climbed in wearing a long trench coat with a bikini underneath. After a great night, I woke up at about seven in the next morning and felt something awkward. I had a T-shirt on and noticed it was wet. I thought “oh boy” I just pissed on her. I never pissed myself before but all of my friends had done it so I assumed it was my time. When she woke up we did not discuss it and I drove her home in silence. Two days later she slept over again and like the first time I woke up early and felt something warm. This time I was in the buck and spooning her so I had to peel my legs of her due to the piss. I was starting to get very concerned but as I was getting out of the shower she came down and said, “I am sorry but sometimes I piss the bed”. She is now and forever will be known as “pee pee on the potty”.
Originally posted 2006-06-16 12:15:00.
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New Product – Fart Deodorizer
Wednesday, 8 July 2015
I think he might be serious.
Originally posted 2007-05-05 17:57:00.
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Never eat a green streak
Tuesday, 7 July 2015
This story happened to me just last month. I’m a single guy, love hanging with friends, taking things easy, partying it up and I LOVE eating. I especially love steak and grilling it over a charcoal grill. One weekend not too long ago I purchased a steak, thick and juicy just asking to be grilled. Somehow though it got forgotten about in the fridge for about a week and half. Saturday rolled around and I really really wanted it. I was over this girl’s house grilling dinner for her, a nice new fresh steak, and kept the old one for me. I figured what’s the harm? A little diarrhea never hurt a man? I learned the hard way. The steak even after numerous seasonings still tasted raunchy and yet I still ate it. After dinner we cleaned up, got out a few beers and a dvd movie game, one of those seen it games with clips from movies. Halfway through my beer, my stomach began to ache so bad. The feeling to pass gas soon came over me, so I went to the bathroom. I let one rip and it sounded like a machine gun going off. At this point I didn’t have to take a shit but as soon as returned to the dvd game this horrible gurgling wave of noises ran thru my belly, a feeling of nauseousness came over me, I stood up and ran outside to vomit and at the same time crapped the runniest shit I ever had in my pants. I didn’t say a word to anyone, grabbed my keys and booked home. Took the longest shower ever. I puked my guts up for a day, and was shitting for three. Even crapped myself while sleeping. I got what I deserved. Stick with the fresh steak!
Originally posted 2009-05-20 17:19:00.
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Staircase Incident
Tuesday, 7 July 2015
The day began with a call from my boss and a request to drive to a County Courthouse to file some legal papers. Otherwise easy money was complicated by the fact I had spent the prior night drinking at a Dave Matthew’s concert and my stomach was a bubbling mess. I agreed to the trip and drove the 90 miles with little stress. Like a complete idiot, I decided to stop at McDonald’s for a sure hangover cure. I devoured my McPoison and then began the hour and a half trek home. That is when the fun began. About 30 minutes into my trip, I felt a small but growing sharp pain in my stomach equivalent to what it might feel like to be speared from the inside with a fork. The discomfort steadily increased to the point that I was in serious pain as I entered the city limits of Detroit. Given the threat of contracting an incurable illness from the toilet in one of Detroit’s many slum gas stations, I decided shitting my pants in the car was worth risking and I pushed on. In retrospect, I think I would rather have contracted skin rot. The pain became insufferable as raced down the freeway and then seemed to taper off as I reached the 5 minute mark of my journey. As a result of my new found confidence, I lost my sense of urgency and began obeying traffic laws and stopping for pedestrians again. I pulled up to the office, feeling comfortable and a bit relieved. I entered the building. I pushed the elevator button to go to our 6th floor office. When the elevator arrived, I took one step inside and immediately felt the pain of a million wooden toothpicks jamming at my stomach, concurrently forcing feces out my rectum. In an instance of brilliance, I crossed my legs as tight as I could and made an equally tight face in a vain attempt to keep the mush inside. No go. Out of desperation, I exited the elevator and ran to a nearby staircase where I soiled my drawers, my shorts, my leg, my sandals, four different parts of the floor and, most severely, my pride. As the hot slop ran down my leg I could not help but giggle like a toddler thinking,” I can’t believe I’m shitting my pants in a staircase”. When the carnage ended, I quickly surveyed the area for a way to remedy the situation. I noticed a mop in the corner and thought my prayers were answered. Negative. The mop bucket was empty. Of course. As the ramifications of the disaster set in, I heard a door open. As I barricaded the door with my shit covered body, I ripped off my dress shirt and removed my t-shirt to use as a shit rag to wipe the mess from my leg and sandals in preparation to make a run for it. I peeked out the door and saw a man, presumably a client, with his back to me. With a deep breath, I sprinted out the staircase and the front door avoiding eye contact with the man in the lobby because apparently if I can’t see him he can’t see me or, worse, smell me. I got to my car and called my boss who lucky for me was a friend and younger guy. He answered the phone and, likely hearing my panic-stricken voice, asked if everything went alright with the filing. I replied “yep, everything went fine but…………I shit in the staircase and YOU have to clean it up.” To which he replied “Are you f-ing kidding me?” After a brief but intense argument, I finally convinced him that it was in deed possible for someone my age to defecate on the floor in a public place. Eventually, he agreed to go down the street and review the madness. While my boss made his way down the street, I was able to drive home and reflect on what had happened. My first thought was that if I got pulled over I would surely go to jail because anyone who drives around covered in their own feces is either doped up on something or a degenerate that would benefit from incarceration. Luckily, I made it home to the forgiving arms of my family. When I walked in the door I explained to my mom what happened. She said that I would have to move out and that I needed serious help. Fair enough. My younger sister would not come out of her room because apparently she was more humiliated then me. Also reasonable. Regardless, I think I made a strong decision by placing all of my clothes in a garbage bag and disposing of the evidence after I hosed myself off outside….my mom would not let me in the bathroom. As this all transpired, my boss made it to the disaster area and enlisted the help of another employee who was a friend of mine. As I understand the story, my boss was accused of farting by my buddy as they entered the staircase on the 6th floor. Their disgust grew more and more unbearable as they descended the staircase. When they reached ground zero, it was clear they were cowards and could not handle the task so they sought help from the maintenance guy, a man with no teeth that ate popcorn by sapping it till it was a fine paste and then swallowing. The maintenance man came to the site and decided that it was not in his best interests to clean up the mess. I believe his exact words were something to the effect of “HELL NO!! F*CK NO!!! I AIN’T CLEANING THAT SH*T UP!!!” So, it sat and festered for a while until he came around. When my mother allowed me back in the house, I called my boss who said the matter was taken care of and we should never speak of it again. When I asked if anyone knew who did it, he said he thought my secret was safe. At that very moment though, I heard a secretary belt out “WHO COULD DO SUCH A THING, THAT IS THE LOWEST FORM OF HUMAN EXISTENCE!” Apparently, they blamed it on a homeless person. The next day my asshole boss made me work there. As I walked around with some bigwig, dorky attorney, he told me to watch my step on the staircase some homeless dude shit in it. I’ll be careful……STUPID HOMELESS PEOPLE.
Originally posted 2009-07-30 21:52:00.
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Drunken pooping error
Monday, 6 July 2015
Can someone please explain to me how this happens? I can see how it may end up on the floor or the toilet seat but how did this person manage to spray the wall? It must be a horrible feeling to be so close to making it just to lose control .7 seconds away from hitting the pot.
Originally posted 2006-06-14 12:57:00.
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Shit in a bag
Monday, 6 July 2015
One day I really needed to take a shit but someone was in the toilet. I tried to wait but i needing to go even more, so i ran back to my room and shut the door. I found a big bag off crisps, so i threw the crisps out the window, and went in the bag, It felt so good, but then my friend came in and asked me what the smell was and then asked why I had his crisps. He grabbed the bag from my hand, and peered inside…. he still wont look me in the eye.
Originally posted 2010-04-24 00:45:00.
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Shitty Chainsaw Massacre
Sunday, 5 July 2015
My boyfriend and I planned to take a drive down to spend the day at a state park. Naturally, for breakfast, we had an excuse to eat the yummy and unhealthy fast food breakfast sandwiches while on the road. We had planned to take the interstate down to the park and take state routes, aka the scenic drive, back home. The drive down was uneventful. However, after five minutes at the park my honey desperately demanded we find the nearest bathroom.
We lept in the car and drove to a larger hub parking lot that had an state park outhouse in it. I stayed in the car and listened to the radio while he ran from the car to take care of business. It was a particularly cold time of year, and after ten minutes I felt kind of sorry for him having to sit there with the hershey squirts, the cold wind whipping across his ass and all.
When he came back he looked relieved and mentioned how it must have been the fast food breakfast. I was feeling fine, though, and suggested we head for home, taking the state routes as planned.
Half an hour later, long enough to take us to barren country, I suddenly understood his urgency for myself. Being a nitpicky girl, there was no way I was going to pop a squat in the brush on the side of the road. I tried desperately to ignore it. But it soon became so bad that I pleaded that we stop at the next building we drove by, be it trailor home or, please God, a gas station.
My prayers were soon answered as we came screaming into the gravel parking lot of a small, old, brick building. We were back in the boonies– but there were several trucks parked outside, so I knew there had to be a toilet somewhere. As I was ass-clench-hobble-running into the building, a few visual clues tipped me off to how awkward the subsequent shit would be.
Confederate flags, spent spit chaw, general disrepair. I could hear NASCAR on the television inside. It was dark in there. Dank. Uninviting.
But the worst of all was the chipping paint sign of the establishment. It read:
“CHAINSAW REPAIR SHOP”
I had busted in on a bunch of toothless old hicks. I yelped, “Please let me use your bathroom!” The oldest, most mongoloid fellow looked up with his yellowed gelatin eyes and simply pointed a gnarled finger to a door in the back.
Shit a la Texas Chainsaw Massacre, anyone?
Originally posted 2006-07-19 00:39:00.
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Video::: Run by Farting
Sunday, 5 July 2015
The farting takes away from the fact the dude ran naked on live TV!
Originally posted 2006-11-08 09:01:00.
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Spicy Food Blowout
Saturday, 4 July 2015
I was in some weird shopping mall which is super high on security. There was even security cameras in the bathrooms.I had recently eaten a bunch of spicy food at once (on a dare knowing what it does to me)I was sitting down eaten a donut when I felt a sudden urge down below. First it was a small cramp and then it turned into something that was just screaming “IN COMING!”I shrugged it off as just feeling a little sick.About 10 minuets later I felt it again only this time much stronger, I knew I was about to blow.I stood up, clutched my arms to my stomach not caring that people were looking and began waddling to the bathroom.It began pretty easy, walking fast with my legs close together, but after a few minuets it had turned into the march of the penguins, guest starring the well known Peter Griffin grunts “eh, eh, eh!”I finally found the bathroom and ran into a stall. Noticing that 2 of the stalls in there were occupied. I didn’t care. I let lose before I could barely get my cheeks on the seat.A huge explosion noise occurred before the actual log rocket came to the surface.My ass was on fire from the spicy food that was now rushing out of me like a fiery river.I wasn’t done but I was almost certain I had just blown most of my ass away so I paused for a moment.I heard some noises coming from the other 2 stalls, possibly gagging noises. I heard a guy clear his throat and the other guy hit the side of the stall.I was ready for the next lava rocket.I let lose once again, only to be greeted by a liquid substance I could only describe as chunky brown lava. It was like a busted sprinkler!I once again heard gagging noises as one of the doors slammed open, the toilet flushed, the tap turns on for a split second and I heard someone running out of the room.I gotta give it to the other guy for being such a troop though.It was then as I leaned forward in burning pain that I saw that the guy in there with me was next to me. I sat there wondering if it was over, I’m sure he was hoping the same thing.Another few gagging noises came form his stall and the feeling was back.I sat there and suddenly my ass exploded.Another load of burning sh!t came shooting out of my ass.It smelled like death in there, like rotting bodies mixed with burning flesh (well in defense, my ass flesh was on fire) the guy in the stall started coughing, gagging. I heard him utter the words “oh dear God *gag*”I don’t know why he was there so long but I have a feeling it was my deadly ass explosion that kept him there un able to breathe.I was finally finished, when I looked up to Thank the heavens for the end of all that is good (sarcasm)I remember the security cameras.Boy, I don’t know if anyone was watching at the time this unholy event happened but if there was hey got quite a view of the projectile sh!t train flying out of my ass.After using an odd amount of toilet paper, including finishing with the tissues had in my pocket. I opened the door, took a look at the toilet and realized if I flushed it there would be a bigger mess, plus I don’t think the guy in the other stall disserved that after what he had just gone through, I looked at the stall he was in, he wasn’t gagging nor making any type of noise.I closed the door of my marked stall and washed my hands and left.I sat at a Chinese take a way store close by, had a drink of water and shortly after a man opened the bathroom door, he looked very flushed and sick to his stomach. A guy went up to him, probably a friend of his and it looked as if he was warning him not to go in there.Well….that’s what happens when I eat too much spicy food, I bet I emotionally and physically scarred those guys for life…..
Originally posted 2010-02-25 09:08:00.
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Aja Wyndward is a RuneScape poodle best known for going up Mod MMG's arse in his clan chat. She is also a player moderator and forum moderator.
Aja Wyndwoooooooooooooard in real life. Currently her Facebook photo
vscomic.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/08/poo.png
had been a long battle for survival, but he managed to stop the imbeciles from defeating him for real. Tabuu, though, had been weakened during the battle. As he floated along in the void of the Subspace surrounded by darkness and swirling purple and blue colors, he reflected on the disastrous end of the battle.
Master Hand had shown up right before Tabuu could terminate the big group of Smashers. As a last ditch attempt, the omnipotent hand used his space-bending powers to recall each one of the Smashers to their worlds, back into the past before they participated in the Brawl tourney and the war against the Subspace Army. He then called Crazy Hand, and both of them escaped from Tabuu's clutches, effectually putting a sudden end to the conflict for the time being…
Unfortunately, not everything was right.
Master Hand couldn't manage to save certain Smashers. Roy, Pichu, and Mewtwo had been killed by Tabuu in the ensuing battle. Furthermore, ROB seemingly betrayed them all by siding back with Tabuu. It became a huger disaster once Mr. Game & Watch had been caught once more.
There was more. An unlucky Smasher was captured as well in his trophy-fied state. Master Hand didn't manage to save that one Smasher, much to his chagrin. Tabuu kept him as a prize, but he would use his unrequited help very soon.
Tabuu grunted. It felt like an empty victory against the Smash Force, but he could at least relax and recover his power. As he pondered about what to do, a figure rolled into view over the cracked black floor of purple outlines. It was ROB, or rather, the Ancient Minister wearing his clothes. The robot was alone with the biggest threat the universe faced, but there was complete and absolute trust between the two of them.
The Ancient Minister looked up at his boss. "Lord Tabuu," he began, "what is your next course of action?"
Tabuu remained silent for a few minutes until he spoke. "My next course of action…is to mobilize the army beyond this realm," he said. "We managed to seize the land down below, even though I was weakened in this big battle…"
The minister looked down. "It is going to take you a lot of time before your powers are back, right?" he asked.
"Sadly, that is the case," Tabuu said nodding, his body glitching a bit. "But until then, no one can reach us. It is dangerous for anybody to enter this place knowing that I rule it… I will muster up my power to create an ideal place for our base of operations. You, however, will be in charge of the outside world."
The minister looked up and nodded. "Yes, I will gladly reassume control over the facility," he said. "Just give the word and we shall move out."
"I had my eyes…on the other worlds," Tabuu said. "The worlds that those accursed Smashers come from… I wish to conquer them all before they even have a chance to reunite and assemble their force," he explained. "Once we have gathered enough worlds…we shall move on and conquer the biggest one there is…"
"What?" the minister said. "…Oh…you mean the rumored real world…"
"Yes, you catch on very fast," Tabuu said. "It is the real world that is the real prize behind the entire war. Those fools do not even know about the real world existing, but they are missing the big picture…" He turned around. "Ancient Minister, begin preparations to invade one of their worlds. The facility is slowly being taken out from the Subspace. I want a Subspace Bomb to be deployed in Ness's world."
The minister nodded and turned around, moving away from his boss. "It shall be done," he said as he vanished in the darkness. "(…And so begins my long struggle to work with this person once more…)" the Ancient Minister thought to himself. "(This isn't the time to rebel again. I need…I need to find the right time…)"
The Gathering Saga
Begins
-Real World-
Chris's House – Living Room
March 9 – Sunday - Morning
Behind the scenes of the big war in another entirely different universe, the real world was safe from getting into a big fight of epic proportions. Life continued its pacific time of peace. Today, however, was a time of rejoicing.
A particular teenager with a big secret hidden inside the walls of his semi-luxurious house entered his home, carrying a bag holding a game he purchased that very same day. It was the release date of the game "Super Smash Bros. Brawl", and he was greatly looking forward to play it along with a very special person who took residence in his house half a year ago. He had paid the reservation in full as soon as the announcement came to the internet and the general media.
Sighing, the teen smiled to himself and looked around his house, trying to find his special guest…
Hello, I'm Chris. I'm a 16 year-old teen. You're getting this so far, right? Okay, I'm just making sure. I'm a 16 year-old. I have short black hair, and you could say that I look Hispanic due to the color of my skin. Truth is, I AM Hispanic, but yet I live in the U.S., specifically Los Angeles, California, in a house where I rule by my lonesome due to some…rather unfortunate decisions I've done in the past…
...Well, not exactly alone…
I have someone special here who has taken me out from my horrible curse of solitude... That someone is really, really special because he's not a person you'd expect to find here around the city…or for that matter, in the entire world itself.
…Let's talk about me before you decide to hog that person, okay? Firstly, let me tell you this. I'm an Honor High School Student who manages to keep a balanced life with studying and playing video games. I'm a huge video game fanatic, but I look beyond video games. By that, I mean that I care about the love and effort put into every single game I have ever bought. I enjoy the story and the characters besides the gameplay. In fact, I learn so much about the values shown in some games that inspire me to find something good in real life. As you can tell, I'm a high school student with an everlasting dream to discover what I'm good at...
And that's basically it about me. I'm an ordinary high school student living a…pretty particular life due to that person I mentioned to you…
The teenager couldn't find the person in his house. Looking around, Chris shouted, "Lucario, I'm hooome!"
On the second floor of the house, a figure entered through the terrace's entrance. His black feet touched the white tiles on the floor. A deep, gruff voice then said, "I'm up here, Chris."
Hearing the sound of footsteps rushing up, the person saw the teen coming from the stairs, all the while flashing a small smile as he carried with him the game he had bought. If the situation had taken place half a year ago, Chris would have screamed at the sight of a Lucario in his house. Alas, this was not the case anymore.
That special person I mentioned is a Lucario…
The teen and the Pokémon approached each other…and the first looked up at the towering Pokémon looking down at him with a smile.
...And he's beyond special in many ways than one.
First things first. You're surely wondering how a Lucario like this one appeared in this world. Well… I have no idea how it happened back then, but at the start of Summer Vacations during a rainy night, a lightning bolt struck by DS down, and from it, Lucario's Poké Ball came out. It accidentally opened up and he appeared…sprawled over the floor because he had a fever. When I saw him the first time, I was at a complete loss of words, and I feared that he would rip me apart… Luckily, doing the right decisions led me to become acquainted with him.
It was a long struggle for me to get him to like me. He was a very oblivious Pokémon who knew almost nothing about life. Fortunately, this Lucario can use telepathy to talk, but he can actually speak with his mouth just fine. It doesn't mean he knows how to read, though. During many days in the past, I took it upon myself to look after him by teaching Lucario how to live life while we tried to find a way back to his home. We had lots of fun moments together. I vividly remember his first shower and his first steak… But still, he longed for his dream to reunite with his real trainer…
When the day he was debating himself what to do about his issue that was being stuck in this world…I cried out, and after a while, he turned around and…he also cried. Without warning, he embraced me and yelled out, "I don't want to leave you like this! You're…you're my real trainer!"
…And ever since that fateful day, my solitary life changed forever for the better. I was a teen whose parents worked away from home to assist important corporations with revolutionary ideas. I didn't know much about what they do, but they're almost never at home. That made things easier for me to raise the special Lucario as…my loyal Pokémon.
You see, this Lucario is not normal… He's a 6'07" foot tall Lucario. I'm just 5'05". My head only reaches the murderous weapon that was his chest spike.
"Oh no!" Chris said as he accidentally let go of the bag, slipping down the white couch.
Lucario merely stared at the direction the item slipped down into. He bent down a bit and lifted the couch with a single hand. The couch was heavy to carry for two people, but the Lucario didn't struggle a single bit. "There it is," Lucario said, looking at the bag.
…And this Lucario just so happens to have Herculean strength. For reasons unknown, he is surely my world's strongest being there is. Mundane tasks such as cutting down logs with an axe and do some furniture redecoration were easily taken care of with a single hand of his. Despite having the strength of obliterating my house in a single punch (I don't even know if he can do that much, but do you want me to find out? Fat chance), he's an incredibly likeable person.
He just doesn't have the strength of a thousand men. He's really got a tough body of steel under a coat of fluffy blue and yellow fur (yes, I said fluffy. Don't you look weird at me). I remember how a brick fell on top of his head from the third floor's roof to the garden outside, and he just kept staring me while that brick broke apart the moment it landed on his head. Morbidly enough, we were talking that day and he didn't stop when said brick fell on him. He just kept talking and rubbed the dust on his head.
On top of that, Lucario knows four moves: Force Palm, ExtremeSpeed, Double Team, and the ever so devastating Aura Sphere. Coupled up with his almighty strength, these moves became…what's the word? Broken. Force Palm released a rather small blow, but just you wait until that thing goes off. It looked pretty small, yet its intensity was deadly. A tree would shatter into pieces. And then there was the Aura Sphere. If he wanted, he could make some monstrously big Aura Spheres and charge them in two seconds flat.
In a world where there are no Pokémon and battles, Lucario had no choice but to enjoy life with me. We never complained, though. We absolutely enjoy every single second of our time together… Oh, did I mention he was a gamer? I taught him how to be one. And today, we were going to waste away our time playing Brawl.
That's about it…
Chris sighed and went to pick up the bag. Once stepping out from the couch's shadow, the teen saw the towering Lucario putting the couch back down to the floor. He looked at his trainer. "Did you find it?" Lucario asked.
Chris then took out the item from the bag and placed the game in front of him. "Yep, I got it!" He smiled. "Now we can play it... Oh god, we have to do it now before the shows start later," he said. "I'm sooo excited to play this with you."
Lucario nodded and looked to the game. "Since you were this excited...hmm?" he stared at the game's case. "…Huh…"
The teen raised an eyebrow once he saw Lucario giving the game's box a hard look. "...Lucario?" he said. "Lucario, what's wrong? You're glaring at the box…"
"...There is something wrong with this game," Lucario said, staring at the box.
"Wrong?" Chris asked confused.
"I don't know what it is...but it feels evil."
"...Were you watching TV during the whole night again? I told you not to do that."
"I-ah-no..." Lucario blushed, shaking his head. "But Chris…"
Through Lucario's eyes, he could see a purple aura coming out from the very box. This Lucario was a master of auras. Unlike the normal Lucario stated in the descriptions, the Herculean Pokémon easily tracked down auras beyond a hundred miles. Not that there was any use to this highly developed sixth sense. Lucario only watched from afar how Chris's life developed in high school. However, only the living could exude auras.
An item exuding a dark aura was not normal.
"There is definitely a dark aura on that box…" Lucario added, shrugging at the aura trying to reach out for them.
"Hmm…" Chris looked worried. "Well, I don't really feel anything evil from the box. I believe you, though," he said. "But how can an insignificant item like this give out a dark aura?"
"Perhaps we shouldn't put it into the console," Lucario said. "I don't want to find out what could happen if something were to come out of it."
Chris was used to having a supernatural Pokémon accompany him all the time. It was half a year ago that they met, but there wasn't anything else besides Lucario that happened until he brought up the unbelievable fact that a game box had a dark aura. "That dark aura is red, right?" Chris asked.
"Yes," Lucario said. "I'm trying to pierce through it to find out more about its reason to have such thing, but… I can't find anything."
"That's…impossible…" Chris muttered. "You're a master of auras, but you can't discern anything from this?"
Lucario looked down in shame. "I'm sorry," he said. "Maybe I need to hone my aura skills even more…"
"…No," Chris said, making Lucario look at him. "You're a master. There just has to be a good reason behind this box giving you that evil aura… You know what, I think we should just go ahead with this and try it out ourselves," he said. Lucario looked a bit dismayed at the proposal. "Maybe you are imagining things…"
"No, I'm not," Lucario said, looking a bit serious. "But maybe I'm hallucinating a bit. I mean, this is just a game…"
Chris forced a smile. "Then let's go to my room and boot this up," he said. "I'm so looking forward to play as a Lucario."
Lucario grinned a bit. "That makes two of us."
"Dibs on the blue one!"
"What? I don't like the other palettes. They make my species look silly…" As the two debated on choosing the right color palettes, the dark aura that the box contained lingered in the air…
Chris's Room
Chris's room on the first floor was very clean. The teen, though, was not the one who cleaned it up. It was his dutiful Lucario who took it upon himself to put game cases away on the lower left corner of the room on a pile of ordered stacks of video games, next to the closed closet. The bed on the upper right corner was neatly made up, facing sideways at the HD TV on the upper left corner of the room. The two house residents entered the room. Lucario sat down on the bed as Chris went over to insert the disc inside his Wii. The Aura Pokémon turned the TV on.
The box stopped radiating the ominous aura, Lucario could tell. But now, the dark aura came from the disc itself. "See? Nothing seems evil or something..." Chris said as he then inserted the disc inside the Wii. The TV came to life with the friendly warning. Grabbing a nearby Wiimote, Chris went to sit next to Lucario. He moved the pointer over its game channel screen. "...Seriously, nothing is happening." And then he selected the game screen.
Irony was on Lucario's side. As soon as Chris wanted to boot the game, the Wii turned off.
"…" Chris remained silent as Lucario looked down at him. "I told you before that something isn't right," he said.
"Huh? Why isn't the game starting?" Chris said. "You don't really think that the evil aura you saw has something to do with this, right?"
Lucario nodded as he said, "It must be that dark aura's doing."
There surely was some logic behind this that didn't involve the dark aura. Chris rubbed his chin as he pondered on the issue. "Maybe those rumors about the disk being made as a double-layer disc were true. I think I put my Wii in the wrong place where dust gathers the most..."
Lucario could see that his trainer didn't want to believe it, so he tried to support the thought. "...I hope so..." Lucario muttered.
"That's weird. Let me check it." Chris approached to the Wii. "...Hmm..." He approached his right ear to listen to the disc spinning inside. "...There's a weird sound coming from within the Wii..." And suddenly, a purple light came from where the disc slot was. Chris looked at it and Lucario glared at the light. "Hey, what's the big deal here? I never saw a mention of a purple light in the manual." He was suddenly pulled back by a growling Lucario. The Aura Pokémon put his trainer under his left arm as he showed his fangs at the light. "L-Lucario, what's wrong?"
"The dark aura is growing!" Lucario said. "I don't know what's going to happen, but we better brace ourselves!"
Chris was so unfamiliar to listening to such an order that he looked frightened, but with a Lucario capable of carrying a couch with a single hand, he felt protected. "Why ar-" The light shone brightly and a force pushed Chris back. He was being held by the big Lucario, so he avoided being flung away recklessly. "U-ugh!"
"Are you all right?" Lucario asked, looking down at him.
"What in the world is happening here?!" Chris asked in terror as he saw the light illuminating the whole room. "Please, don't let it explode because there are no Wiis in the store!"
"Would you stop minding those things?" Lucario asked enraged. "This is very serious! I can't even tell what's going on!"
"At least I take care of everything here," Chris said. He was desperately trying to distract himself from the potentially hazardous purple light. "Not like you, Mr. I-Break-The-Wiimote-Because-I-Failed-To-Pass-The-Final-Boss!"
Suddenly, purple lights came from the disc and they started to fly in a circle in the middle of the room. Both of them looked shocked at the whole event happening just in the morning, and in their room. Chris looked horrified while Lucario growled menacingly at the lights. Not even the dawn's light coming from the window could overcome the bright, ominous lights.
"Okay, this is getting pretty insane..." Chris said with a gulp. "First, my Wii goes nuts, then, it shines, then, it shoots...g-ghosts out? Is this some kind of a new application I never heard of before?"
The Aura Pokémon frowned at his trainer's suspicions. "I told you," Lucario began as he growled silently at the lights, "…there was something wrong with it!"
Surely, Lucario could do something useful. Strength was not an option, but perhaps he could manipulate the lights using his aura. "W-well, do something about those lights! If my parents ever come back and see these abnormalities, what do you think they will say?" Chris ordered and asked.
"Too bad."
"W-why are you saying that?"
"Those lights aren't lights. Those are auras."
"O-okay, good. Now, get rid of them!"
All the purple "lights" fired to all the video games of Chris's collection and began to glow in a purple aura before fading out. Both of them stared at the games that shone purple from time to time. With the lights having seemingly merged into the stack of games, the intense purple light dimmed down a lot. The two exchanged looks before staring at the collection.
"...Lovely," Chris said with a bored look after his room returned back to its normal color with the sun's lights shining through the window. "My games surely got corrupted by purple auras from a new game I just bought from my local store... I'm NOT getting all of them through the internet either."
Lucario groaned with a frown. "...I told you, something was wrong with that game you got," Lucario pointed out.
"And yet you didn't do a thing..."
Lucario looked ashamed. "I'm sorry…"
The teen would feel guilty just seeing the powerful Lucario look down. Chris's eyes looked apologetic while his lips formed a small smile. He rubbed Lucario's head with care, making the Aura Pokémon look happy. Unlike other Lucario, this one liked that his trainer groomed him a bit from time to time. "It's okay," Chris reassured Lucario. "We're going to get to the bottom of this… Maybe you can pull the auras out from the collection."
The Aura Pokémon looked at the collection and held out his hands. Chris pulled his hand back and saw the big Lucario glowing with an intense blue aura. Much for their dismay, the purple aura that engulfed the games disappeared as soon as Lucario tried to pull them out. "N-no…" Lucario muttered. He didn't sense the auras anymore, and then his intense aura faded away. "They got away…"
Chris looked disappointed as he got up and approached the Wii to examine it. "Oh, great…" he muttered. "It just feels like the time you came to this world, only now it's far worse and confusing…"
Lucario nodded, but then, he felt a blue aura emanating from the Wii itself. Being unfamiliar with this aura, the Aura Pokémon narrowed his eyes. "Back away from that thing," Lucario said. "A new aura surfaced…"
"What? Now this Wii has an aura?" Chris asked and Lucario nodded. He looked at the Wii with a bored look. "Good, this machine may as well be corrupted...heavily corrupted...and my games as well... Lucario, do you know what this means?"
"We have to toss them all to the trash?" Lucario asked as he got closer to the video games. "I don't want those boxes exploding in midnight if that ever happens."
The teen gasped. "You BACK away from those video games now," Chris ordered. "I'm NOT going to get them all one by one. Those are my video games from my entire life as well! T-they have to be just fine!"
"You're asking that after we saw those auras merging into your collection?" Lucario questioned, crossing his arms below his chest spike. Sensing the Wii's aura shaking, the Aura Pokémon gasped. "Chris, look out!"
Suddenly, the Wii's disc slot was shining again, but instead of purple, it was a yellow light. The teen gasped and backed away from the yellow light, grabbing his chest as if he was getting a heart attack. His dutiful Lucario went over to shield him. Lucario subconsciously liked the fact that he was protecting his dear trainer during these confusing times, but he shook the thought away. It was far more important to keep Chris safe.
Chris looked at the light and groaned loudly. "Aw, god, it's seriously messed up this time!" he said.
Right after, the yellow light vanished. As Chris blinked confused yet again, Lucario could still see the blue aura engulfing the Wii. "The aura is still there, Chris," Lucario said. "It'd be best if you don't approach it."
"...Lucario, hand me the phone."
Grimacing at the weird order, Lucario looked down at him. "Why?"
"I'm calling Nintendo."
"..."
"Give the phone!"
"..."
"Lucario!"
"...Chris, I don't think they know about this..." Lucario said, looking away from his trainer simple yet piercing glare. "What are the chances of them knowing about this?"
"Then let me call a ghost hunter or aura hunter o-" Chris shook his head. "What am I saying? They really don't know about this."
"There are no ghost hunters in this world...or anywhere," Lucario said. Chris gave him an awkward look. "You started it," Lucario shot back. His trainer sighed.
Despite the warning Lucario had given earlier, the duo approached curiously to the Wii. "...Well, do you think it's time to get a new one?" Chris asked. "It's going to be a real drag getting all that time spent on the games we achieved a hundred percent completion…"
"That would be for the best," Lucario said. "Besides, I do look forward to replaying games with you."
Chris smiled. "That's a really nice thought," he said. "With you around, it's always bound to be an enjoyable experience."
"GUARGH!" Lucario growled proudly and nudged his muzzle against Chris's face. The teen chuckled heartily as the Aura Pokémon playfully rubbed the tip of his nose on his black hair. Chris then rubbed the Aura Pokémon's chin with affection. The Lucario looked up with eyes closed, growling with pleasure. Unlike many Lucario, this one completely enjoyed the idea of being groomed as proof of their strong bond. It gave him a powerful proud feeling that he cherished a lot.
The two never saw that the Wii shook violently in front of them. In slow motion, the Wii suddenly shot a faint image over the happy team. Once a big shadow loomed over them, the two smiling characters looked up just in time to see two heavy figures appropriately crushing them both on the floor. Whatever happiness had taken place before was crushed down along with them.
Under the two foreign bodies, Chris's right hand stuck out, its fingers wide open as if trying to reach out for outside support. "I…I had a good run…" Chris muttered under the bodies.
The bodies were not normal. They weren't normal people, but rather, two huge disembodied white gloves: a right glove and a left glove. From the looks of things, the two gloves were pretty much alive and kicking judging the fact both were groaning in pain. The right glove lied down on top of the left glove, unaware that they had seemingly killed the only two owners of the house they had entered without previous warning.
"Where are we, brother?" the left glove under the right glove asked casually, "looking" around its surroundings. "Hey, guess what! We made it to the real world after all! And here I was thinking we were going to end up somewhere nasty like a hot sauna with naked men."
The right glove on top floated up, looking around the room. The walls had multiple posters of several video game characters that he knew very well. "Oh, good," he said. "It looks like we got into the right place at the right time."
The left glove was lying down upside-down on its back. "Check this out," he said as he felt rumbling under his body. "This room has a massaging floor!"
The right glove looked down at him. "The floor isn't even shaking," he pointed out until a loud roar came under his companion. He backed away at the intensity of the roar, seeing that the window behind his wrist shook. "What in the…? That deep, gruff voice…"
"Sounds kinda familiar," the left glove said as blue aura shone underneath its body. "But this one sounds a hell deeper!"
"…Wait a minute," he said as he looked at the blue aura down below. "What th-"
An infuriated Lucario stood up to his full height, lifting the big left glove with a flaring right hand. Growling, the Lucario tossed the left glove aside to let his trainer gasp for breath. "Air! Oxygen! How much I missed you both..." Chris said in relief as he got up with his Lucario's help.
The two parties then stared at each other, falling in silence.
"…Oh…" the right glove stared long at the towering Lucario. "…Oh my…"
"…Goodness…" Chris muttered, staring up at the floating glove. "…I…"
There was no doubt. Chris and Lucario saw before their eyes none other than Master Hand and Crazy Hand. The two bosses were not even in their minds, thinking other things that took much more importance. The two gloves had come out from Chris's own Wii for sure. There was no other explanation…
Then Chris remembered something crucial. "...Wait a minute, aren't they supposed to be bad?" he asked and hid behind his Pokémon. " LUCARIO!"
"GRRRRR!" Lucario growled furiously as his body caught up with a powerful aura. His eyes even glowed yellow.
Master Hand screamed in a high-pitched voice as he saw the Lucario holding out his open palm, creating a rather big Aura Sphere that violently shook with destructive power. "AAH!" Master Hand screamed. "C-calm down! W-we're not bad, I swear!" Master Hand pleaded. "W-we're in dire need of help! Please, don't let that dog of yours blast us!"
It was incredibly weird to see someone like a big floating hand begging for mercy. Through his yellow eyes, Lucario's mouth opened a bit as he detected that the two hands' auras were blue instead of red. However, he didn't want to take any chances. The Lucario couldn't read their thoughts as there was some sort of mind lock that prevented him from dwelling in their minds. He could break that lock apart if he put some extra effort, but it was obvious to him that they had no ill intentions.
Thus, Lucario's intense aura faded away for a second time along with the big Aura Sphere. Seeing this, Chris asked, "Lucario, why did yo-?!"
"They have blue auras," Lucario interrupted.
"Blue auras…" Chris trailed off. He remembered that Lucario taught him a bit about auras. Blue auras belonged to good people. Red auras belonged to bad people. Therefore, if the gloves had blue auras, it meant they were good people… "They're…they're good, then?"
"Yes!" Master Hand said, making the two look at him. "Geez, how lucky we are that there was another Lucario in this world… But…" He stared at the wary Lucario. "How on earth did this one get here?"
Feeling that situation looked awkward, Chris sighed. "I…I don't think this is a good place to chat," he said. He felt unsure around the two gloves inhabiting his house. "This is a very extremely confusing event to me…"
"Huh, we think alike," Master Hand said, looking at the worried teen. "But it looks like it's going to be safe to explain everything to you two. I assume the initial shock of having a…big Lucario like the one you have makes things easier for the two of us."
"…Not really," Chris admitted. "He at least looks like a person. You two, on the other hand…"
Crazy Hand floated up, startling the teen. "Other hand? We've got a second brother?" he asked, sounding excited.
Master Hand chuckled nervously as the duo stared at them with weird looks. "Before we move, let me tell you this: he's my insane brother," he said. "He's technically the only person I can look after to avoid feeling alone, y'know. He drives me crazy many times, but we're still brothers."
Crazy Hand turned around and looked at them. "Oh, hello!" he said, forcefully shaking Chris's hand with two fingers. Lucario's glare stiffened. "Nice to meet my first human from the real world! We're gonna be best friends forever."
His brother slapped his wrist. "Stop that," he hissed. "We need to make a good first impression."
"Whoopsie-daisy," the insane hand said. "Sorry."
Master Hand looked at them with a frown. "Look, just don't get too close to him or else you might experience severe massive damage one way or another," he said. Chris cautiously moved behind Lucario.
Living Room
The teen never thought that it was going to be possible to have two extremely unlikely guests in his humble abode. If things weren't crazy with Lucario, they were crazier with two disembodied hands floating around in midair. Chris closed the curtains from all the windows just in case an unlucky person with a weak will happened to scream their heads off. Then, Chris sat down on the sofa while Lucario remained standing up at his side as both hands were in front of them.
Master Hand was admiring how lustrous the living room looked like. On the far left corner, there was a chimney facing some couches and a table, which were standing in front of a big flat screen TV. On the upper right corner, there was a dining room that faced the kitchen counter further up. Along the walls, several photos and other decorative furniture adorned the light gray walls. "Oh, good," Master Hand said as his brother sat down on his wrist on the opposite couch that faced the duo. "I'm happy to know we got the one with the nice-looking house."
"U-um, thanks," Chris said. "I do my best to keep this place clean while my parents are away…"
"Oh!" the hand "nodded" his body. "You're one of those who… I mean, I see," he said. "That kind of makes things even easier."
The teen nodded, interlacing his fingers over his knees. "First off..." Chris began, "...my name is Chris, and this is Lucario." Lucario responded with a silent growl. "He won't kill you..." Chris reassured the hands. Lucario sighed with a small frown.
"Okay, nice to meet you," Master Hand said. "I'm Master Hand, and this here...is my pretty insane brother, Crazy Hand."
"Hell-o," Crazy Hand said. "Don't mind if I take this couch as my bed."
Chris grimaced a bit, but he knew things weren't going to stay like this any longer. He saw that both hands stared at him...if it was easy to tell that apart. Their bodies were facing him, so he had a feeling he was being watched. "...I don't know what to ask first..." Chris said.
"C'mooooooon," Crazy Hand said. "You have something, don't you?"
"H-hmm..." Chris got something to talk. "I got something… Before you came here, there was this weird event where purple auras came out from my console…and then they entered my video game collection…" He raised an eyebrow. "Do you know anything about that?"
Master Hand cleared his invisible throat before speaking. "...Those purple lights were surely the Subspace Army spreading their reach, the culprits for invading the Smash Bros. Universe," he explained. The two blinked at him. "The disc you got, Chris, happened to harbor a wide open universe that had its own fair share of issues."
"What the…" Chris trailed off. "You mean to say I just so casually picked some kind of corrupted copy at my local store?" he asked. "How does that even make any sense?"
"Hello," Crazy Hand said, "six-foot tall Lucario?"
"T-that…" Chris exchanged glances with Lucario, "I-I admit we already went through something of the sort before, but this is just too much!" he said. "What are the chances that the people who manufactured that single copy of the game knew about this?"
"I don't know about that," Master Hand said, dismaying the teen. "But the thing is, things are happening. It was…how you say…destiny working by itself."
"Oh, don't give me that…" Chris trailed off until he saw that Lucario was giving him a worried look with his red eyes. "…You…you believe in this kind of destiny, I imagine…"
Lucario nodded. "Yes…" he said. "The two of us never found out how I even came here."
"I…I guess you're right…" Chris muttered, recalling the vivid event from a half year ago. "…Still…this makes even less sense…" He looked up at the hand. "It's just too much for me to believe that I'm living through this."
Master Hand sighed. "Look, Chris," he began, "you're going to break a blood vessel if you think too hard about that. You need to concern yourself with the information I want to give the two of you first." He saw the teen shaking his head. "I know it's pretty incredible, but it's happening. That's all you need to know about the situation as a basis."
"Ugh…" Chris grunted a bit. "…Okay… I'll listen to your story, then," he agreed. "So you're saying that…uh…this Subspace Army is trying to…"
"It's trying to conquer the worlds," Master Hand said. The duo widened their eyes. "The army's main goal is to conquer any world they come across using the Subspace Bombs."
"..." Chris was utterly miffed by that truth. "...Okay...that sounded so scaring..."
"But how did you two manage to get here?" Lucario asked suddenly. "For that matter, since Chris and I already spoiled ourselves of the plot of the game… Where are the others?"
Master Hand chuckled nervously. "You see… There was this big fight against Tabuu, the leader of the Subspace Army," he said. "This fight was supposed to be the one that would end with his defeat, yet…it never happened…" He looked up at the ceiling. "Tabuu was weakened due to some outside help, but he managed to fight back just fine, which ended up with us losing the battle."
Chris looked away in thought. "…You're saying the supposed final battle ended up on a bad note?" he asked, looking sideways at the hands. "And that's how things spiraled out of control?"
"Oh yes, they did," the sane hand said. "You see, I barely managed to escape safely thanks to Crazy Hand here." Crazy Hand waved his body at them. "Using his help, we used our powers to pull all the people involved in the fight back to their worlds of origin…with the added fact that we manipulated their memories so that they wouldn't remember anything that took place during the entire war plot."
"Wait, why?" Lucario asked. "Why would you do that?"
"I'm a hand of creation," the hand said. "I can't heal people! I can only use my powers to bend reality to my will! So then, I was desperate during that confrontation that I had no choice but to return them all to their worlds. If they went back in time with their memories intact, it would create so many nasty outcomes for their individual stories."
Chris looked back at him, bewildered at the statement. "You…tossed them all back in time?" he asked.
"Yeah…" the hand trailed off. "I did it so that they had time to prepare themselves for the worst at this point in time. Because I'm not that good at time-bending powers, however…I guess I overlooked a few mistakes here and there that…might have pulled them all further back in time…"
"…Oh…" Chris muttered in a low tone.
"You saw those lights going to your games, right? Well, they were going after them..." the hand explained. "Tabuu still has some reserves and he's using them to put an end to them. So, Crazy H